Speaking of poems, I came across this on my Arkansas forum: It made me laugh!

One evening last October, when I was far from sober

And dragging home a load with manly pride

My feet began to stutter and I fell down in the gutter

And a pig came up and parked right by my side

Then I mumbled, “It's fair weather when good comrades get together”

Till a lady passing by was heard to say,

“You can tell a man that boozes by the playmates that he chooses”

Then the pig got up and slowly walked away

I began to scratch the gravel, on my all fours I did travel

I rambled down the road the best I could

When I awoke next morning, just as the day was dawning

I was in a hog pen away out in the woods

Then the hogs began to grumble, I started and I stumbled

I fell right in their midst and there I lay

Then one by one they started, till all the herd departed

Yes, every hog got up and walked away

Now lately I've been thinking that I will quit my drinking

I'm going to leave off whiskey, beer and grog

For there's no consolation, but only aggravation

You can't even find friends with a hog

Me. said:

It's not the 'ifs' that I worry about, however, I am none too keen on the 'butts'.

There is Dear Me,  a big difference between a BUTT and BUT,

Human Anatomy:- Why do girls have big butts? It's because they are the gender

that bears children, and so they must have wider hips and a wider pelvis

Now that is your BUTT

My BUT is much more complicated, a conjunction, an adverb other functions, very useful.

And anyway, just because we are on a diet doesn't mean that we can't look at the menu!