Damn!!! I have spent most of the day removing the cobwebs from my bicycle, and tucking my trousers into my socks ready for action. No Doreen, not that kind of action.

A simple explanation because I am a very simple person. One evening I was at a loose end and decided to 'Lurk' on another forum, one that shall remain nameless called Mediaworld. To my dismay I found it deserted, with posters left seemingly chatting to themself. I immediately wrote to the head man and asked if I could be forgiven for past misdemeanours and possible transgressions to be reinstated to inject some trouble … sorry new life. The head man, not wishing to risk his reputation, aimed 'Me' in this direction.

Have a chat among yourselves and hold a possible vote whether I should be allowed to stay.

Doreen, where's your onion?

Doreen, you have strong grounds for complaint, possibly a case for the human rights court. Tripe and onions are part of the English heritage. For someone from the mother country to remove your onion is shocking, I suggest you look for another.

I too have many loose ends, The problem being I am not keen on the pain should they be tightened. I'm confident with your sympathetic nursing skills, you will fully understand.

Thank you for your kind welcome, if only people that know me would treat me as such.