I'm asked to verify that I am human by doing a simple sum when posting. What if I am a very clever robot who is a genius at maths?

Or an alien who went to University.

Should we be discriminating against non-humans? That's not very PC is it?

I find it very rewarding that when I make a post then I have been truly saved. This flies in the face of everything my good lady has told me: she reckons I am beyond redemption.

However, I am far from sure about Bistro, in our home my wife insists it has to be Oxo.

Why are you putting things in the fridge, taking up valuable space, why not keep it out in the garden under two inches … hang on, it's French weather … 50mm's of snow?

You northern lot always seem to make Christmas so darn complicated. We shall have a selection of cold cuts, served with a fresh salad, accompanied by a bottle of nicely chilled Pinot Gris. This will be consumed in a shady nook, by a babbling cook (after two glasses) and then we will a snooze for a while trying to avoid the hot afternoon sun. I have a two kilogram … hang on, four and a half pounds … side of salmon that I will smoke for the Christmas get together. This is particularly hard work, but someone has to do it, and the kids do keep me well oiled.

Now why don't you do that?

I think a BBQ is ordered for Christmas eve when some of the family are coming. Then another lot after lunch on Christmas Day, as we are doing the Nanna & Grandad sleigh run in either the Suzuki or the Peugeot sleigh with the air con on if Jill is driving or off if I am driving, to deliver santa stuff to offspring's offspring, in the morning. Christmas is getting somewhat complicated as now there two sets of competing grandparents who have moved from UK. One on a permanent basis and one on a 3 months at a time regime, ( at least until such time as dil's sister decides whether once she's educated in her chosen field will she stay or will she go back. ) The g/mother in question needs more family here permanantly then back there in the seat of Empire to qualify for residency. We will even be delivering pressies to my Ex.

Book me in for a share of that one.  It looks absolutely delicious.  I think I've mentioned before that I do buy salmon fillets and bake them in foil in the oven drizzled in honey and whole-grain mustard, which makes for quite a nice combination.  I'll have to settle for a nice pair of kippers as smoked salmon is  v e r y expensive and at this time of year needs to be bought in bigger portions than I could use.

It's a bit cruel talking about having to have the air-conditioning on by the way Michael.  Us pensioners here in the UK are spending our time wrapped in blankets and counting out the baked beans in order to pay the fuel bills.

Don't worry – I am only joking:  if the truth were told, I can even afford to eat a WHOLE tin of beans although I'm not very pleasant to be around afterwards

Now there's something I do miss! Kippers! Although as Me will no doubt know, one can made a fair copy by smoking kahawai fresh from the sea. (That reminds me! I must go sea fishing next week.)