Councillors in a small Yorkshire town are seriously considering putting the local pigeon population on the contraceptive pill.

In an attempt to stop the end product of billing and cooing in the town square, councillors in Barnoldswick (population 10,000, pigeon population uncertain) are considering mixing the pill in with pigeon pellets to stop the patter of tiny feet.

If that doesn’t work the committee is considering bringing in a falconry display team in the spring to frighten the poor beggars to death.

Local emotions are running high and one councillor, who I happen to know was hatched by a local chicken smallholder, says he is a vegetarian and thinks the pill is the more acceptable option.

Excuse me, how will the male pigeon know not to eat the pellet with the contraceptive in it? It’s going to get very confusing as to who is chasing who in the spring, and why.

The alternative suggestion of flying in the bird kingdom’s equivalent of the Red Arrows tickles me. I happen to know this little town square very well. Many older people like to sit in the sunshine and feed the pigeons and I can imagine the look on their faces if the equivalent of a Stuka dive bomber swoops in and pinches a pigeon or two!

Apparently the pigeon issue is dividing the local population but the majority seem to favour the contraceptive option.

Whether they have considered handing out condoms on a Friday night, or offering the morning after pill I have yet to determine.

I suspect we will be reading more of this story on Twitter!

Editor, Third Age.